2014 (c) Bryan Perry, CNN
This is a powerful story and a good time for both men and women to check themselves. Do you find yourself being the abuser? Are you with someone that is abusing you?
I will tell you that I love my wife and my kids more than anything, and there is a part of me that was almost afraid to read this article because I didn’t want it to tell me that there is something I’m doing that may be abusive. I am relieved to realize that no, as far as I can tell, I don’t fall into the categories listed, but in the past, when I’ve been in relationships that I didn’t feel secure in, I can say that I checked off one or two of those boxes (never physically abusing anyone, though).
I feel like the nature of my job checks off some of these boxes. For example, isolation – we are far away from all friends and family. My schedule is not conducive to traveling. My wife has asked over the time we’ve been together if she could get away for a weekend here or there. I’ve encouraged that if/when we could afford it. She’s had a weekend in a local hotel once or twice, as well as traveling to meet with some of her friends for a weekend in another city and another state. Other times, I’ve had to say no because we literally just can’t afford it.
One thing I definitely learned as I grew up was that there’s no point to trying to control the person you’re in a relationship with. If you can’t trust them to be true and honest with you when they go on a weekend excursion with some friends, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. Break i off and stop wasting your time and their’s. If you’re intent on making it work, then let go. Give them the opportunity to earn your trust.
And, this is for either men or women that are being abused – leave. Do what “Isabelle” did, and get a restraining order, move to another city or state if you have to, but get away. Start over. Get your feet on the ground and establish a solid, close circle of friends. Keep in contact with the people you KNOW love you and value you. Even if you have kids, ESPECIALLY if you have kids, get away.
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Fearless 